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| Downtown Atlanta on the way to the Georgia Aquarium. |
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| Stone Mountain! |
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| Robbie and I on the SkyRide to Stone Mountain. |
Tuesday, December 20, 2016
Little Updates
The past week and a half has been a whirlwind with lots of memories made. Visiting with family was lots of fun, and now I can't believe we only have a few days before we're back in Kansas City for Christmas. Exciting! Here I just wanted to share some of my favorite photos from the past two weeks:
Wednesday, December 7, 2016
Lost Weekend
I last wrote here on October 18, 2015. That was four-hundred and
fifteen days ago, but it feels like one thousand. Or possibly a
lifetime. Where do I even begin about how this year has gone for me?
So much has changed and shifted, I feel like a different person. I feel like I can safely say that I'm a grown up now. Granted, I'm a grown up who is still in the process of getting her shit together...but a grown up nonetheless. I said I don't know where to begin, but I guess I could begin by explaining the pause.
Very truthfully, I became disenchanted by blogging not too long after my last post. My life was still in huge shambles from the year prior and I didn't have the energy to stand up to the real embarrassment that I still felt about my marriage having ended with Sean, and then this new relationship with Robb (who I affectionately referred to as "R" in previous posts here.) It just felt like I was still really working through a lot of things that I didn't want to be public. But I didn't want to feel like I was pretending and hiding either. So I just stopped. I couldn't bring myself to delete the blog though. There is a lot with this blog and associated with this name "Lemonholiday" that I wanted to keep and possibly archive as a past journal of sorts. But I didn't. I decided to leave it in the dark for a while.
In the meantime, things were changing in my own life. Very soon after that last post, Robb received an incredible opportunity to move up in his company, and subsequently was offered a position in Atlanta, Georgia. I remember when he came home from work and told me, I was so happy for him, but really devastated too. I told him that I knew we would probably go our separate ways someday, but I wasn't ready and our relationship just started. I cried and tried to think of a plan. November and December were spent having a hundred conversations about what we should do. I was working about 50+ hours a week at my jobs, but almost all of the money was going towards my debts, so I still had a lot of saving to do. And things just weren't progressing very much for me emotionally in terms of dealing with Sean and I breaking up still. I loved Robb, but going through divorce haunted me in that I continued to feel very guilty and shameful about it.
Robb became convinced that I needed to move to Atlanta with him. The reasons he cited were that he wanted to be with me, he wanted to help me get on my feet, and it was clear that I needed something different.
I thought about it a lot. A whole month actually, and finally in January, I came to the conclusion that YOLO and I'm young and childless, what have I got to lose? I needed a change of scenery and some new experiences. So yes, I would go.
I think we felt a sense of relief after having made a decision and we began planning for the big move. We drove from Kansas City to Atlanta in a day, and arrived on January 29. Over the next few days, we explored and rode the train around the city and got to know our new neighborhood.
Everything was sweet in the first two weeks. We were excited and seemed pretty happy, everything felt uncertain and free, and I felt really good! ...emotionally at least.
But it seemed like as soon as we got there, I felt a little off. Like something wasn't right with me. I stopped eating and began to feel so tired all the time. I just wanted to lay in bed and not get up for days.
I would be lying if I said I didn't know what it was, but I knew.
I won't go into great detail because it wasn't really a good memory, but on February 9, 2016, Robb and I discovered that I was indeed pregnant with his baby.
So let's stop a second. I want to clear a few things up. First, this discovery was unhappy in general because neither of us had planned on this happening, obviously. We were terrified, and honestly really divided about our feelings. It's not something I wanted to share and blog about at that moment...this huge, terrifying thing engulfing my entire world for a while. It just wasn't really something I was willing to visit with others when I wasn't even sure how I felt yet. Over time, we did both become incredibly happy about our baby and about becoming parents, but at that time everything was so scary.
Second, the baby story is a blog post for a different day, which I will definitely do very soon.
But back to the timeline, after becoming pregnant...I uh...pretty much stayed that way for nine months, believe it or not. And on September 29, 2016, I gave birth to a baby boy named Samuel Augustine. And he's pretty much the greatest. (I'll go into more details about him and pregnancy and motherhood in future posts).
Since then, my life has pretty much been half about him, and half about self-growth and trying to figure my shit out. I think that one of the biggest things that having Samuel has taught me, is that I want to be someone. I have to be someone...become that person... in order to be the best mother I can be to my boy and to be the best I can be as an individual. So I've gone back to school to finish my degree, I've mended broken relationships, I've worked on myself actively everyday, and I will continue to do so.
As far as our relationship, Robb and I are a work in progress, as is common in many relationships. We're still in the process of figuring out where we are, but as far as where we're going...we honestly don't really care. Samuel is the light in our lives. He is like the sun that everything surrounds. He keeps us well and happy. ...As do our motivations and interests...but those are motivated by our sun too. Samuel is not the center of my world, but I'd be lying if said that my world doesn't revolve around him. At least while he's still small.
And I know that Robb feels the same. So in a nutshell, Robb is my partner in parenting, he is my best friend, and I love him. We're content with that and we love our tiny family, so there is nothing else to report.
The future is exciting with many changes in store as Samuel grows and changes everyday. But a big change we'll be going through next month is our big move back to Kansas City! Robb's job has been wonderful and he seems to enjoy it very well, but it requires a ridiculous amount of travel, which would leave me alone, raising our baby in Atlanta, with no friends or family. So Robb asked to be based out of KC so that Samuel and I can have support nearby, and they approved it. We leave at the end of January and I am really looking forward to being back. Atlanta has definitely been an experience, and while I probably could have stayed another year or two, I don't think it's the city for me.
And I've changed so much, it honestly feels really refreshing to go back to Kansas City. Like it's really is the beginning of this new chapter in my life. New characters, old characters, new settings and twists and turns! This is what stories are made of!
In the meantime, we're busy with the holidays as are many of you, undoubtedly. Samuel's aunts and cousins are coming into town tomorrow and Friday to visit and we have a lot of fun times planned, which I hope to share here. Next week my family will be in town to drive to Fort Benning and watch my little brother graduate from the Army. Then the weekend following that, our tiny family is flying back to Kansas City for a quick, three-day Christmas trip! So we have a lot planned in such a short time. And I am so excited! Having a little one to share everything with just makes it all the more wonderful.
I hope you'll read about it. I promise not to leave for a year again! More soon.
XO Kaleigh
So much has changed and shifted, I feel like a different person. I feel like I can safely say that I'm a grown up now. Granted, I'm a grown up who is still in the process of getting her shit together...but a grown up nonetheless. I said I don't know where to begin, but I guess I could begin by explaining the pause.
Very truthfully, I became disenchanted by blogging not too long after my last post. My life was still in huge shambles from the year prior and I didn't have the energy to stand up to the real embarrassment that I still felt about my marriage having ended with Sean, and then this new relationship with Robb (who I affectionately referred to as "R" in previous posts here.) It just felt like I was still really working through a lot of things that I didn't want to be public. But I didn't want to feel like I was pretending and hiding either. So I just stopped. I couldn't bring myself to delete the blog though. There is a lot with this blog and associated with this name "Lemonholiday" that I wanted to keep and possibly archive as a past journal of sorts. But I didn't. I decided to leave it in the dark for a while.
In the meantime, things were changing in my own life. Very soon after that last post, Robb received an incredible opportunity to move up in his company, and subsequently was offered a position in Atlanta, Georgia. I remember when he came home from work and told me, I was so happy for him, but really devastated too. I told him that I knew we would probably go our separate ways someday, but I wasn't ready and our relationship just started. I cried and tried to think of a plan. November and December were spent having a hundred conversations about what we should do. I was working about 50+ hours a week at my jobs, but almost all of the money was going towards my debts, so I still had a lot of saving to do. And things just weren't progressing very much for me emotionally in terms of dealing with Sean and I breaking up still. I loved Robb, but going through divorce haunted me in that I continued to feel very guilty and shameful about it.
Robb became convinced that I needed to move to Atlanta with him. The reasons he cited were that he wanted to be with me, he wanted to help me get on my feet, and it was clear that I needed something different.
I thought about it a lot. A whole month actually, and finally in January, I came to the conclusion that YOLO and I'm young and childless, what have I got to lose? I needed a change of scenery and some new experiences. So yes, I would go.
I think we felt a sense of relief after having made a decision and we began planning for the big move. We drove from Kansas City to Atlanta in a day, and arrived on January 29. Over the next few days, we explored and rode the train around the city and got to know our new neighborhood.
Everything was sweet in the first two weeks. We were excited and seemed pretty happy, everything felt uncertain and free, and I felt really good! ...emotionally at least.
But it seemed like as soon as we got there, I felt a little off. Like something wasn't right with me. I stopped eating and began to feel so tired all the time. I just wanted to lay in bed and not get up for days.
I would be lying if I said I didn't know what it was, but I knew.
I won't go into great detail because it wasn't really a good memory, but on February 9, 2016, Robb and I discovered that I was indeed pregnant with his baby.
So let's stop a second. I want to clear a few things up. First, this discovery was unhappy in general because neither of us had planned on this happening, obviously. We were terrified, and honestly really divided about our feelings. It's not something I wanted to share and blog about at that moment...this huge, terrifying thing engulfing my entire world for a while. It just wasn't really something I was willing to visit with others when I wasn't even sure how I felt yet. Over time, we did both become incredibly happy about our baby and about becoming parents, but at that time everything was so scary.
Second, the baby story is a blog post for a different day, which I will definitely do very soon.
But back to the timeline, after becoming pregnant...I uh...pretty much stayed that way for nine months, believe it or not. And on September 29, 2016, I gave birth to a baby boy named Samuel Augustine. And he's pretty much the greatest. (I'll go into more details about him and pregnancy and motherhood in future posts).
Since then, my life has pretty much been half about him, and half about self-growth and trying to figure my shit out. I think that one of the biggest things that having Samuel has taught me, is that I want to be someone. I have to be someone...become that person... in order to be the best mother I can be to my boy and to be the best I can be as an individual. So I've gone back to school to finish my degree, I've mended broken relationships, I've worked on myself actively everyday, and I will continue to do so.
As far as our relationship, Robb and I are a work in progress, as is common in many relationships. We're still in the process of figuring out where we are, but as far as where we're going...we honestly don't really care. Samuel is the light in our lives. He is like the sun that everything surrounds. He keeps us well and happy. ...As do our motivations and interests...but those are motivated by our sun too. Samuel is not the center of my world, but I'd be lying if said that my world doesn't revolve around him. At least while he's still small.
And I know that Robb feels the same. So in a nutshell, Robb is my partner in parenting, he is my best friend, and I love him. We're content with that and we love our tiny family, so there is nothing else to report.
The future is exciting with many changes in store as Samuel grows and changes everyday. But a big change we'll be going through next month is our big move back to Kansas City! Robb's job has been wonderful and he seems to enjoy it very well, but it requires a ridiculous amount of travel, which would leave me alone, raising our baby in Atlanta, with no friends or family. So Robb asked to be based out of KC so that Samuel and I can have support nearby, and they approved it. We leave at the end of January and I am really looking forward to being back. Atlanta has definitely been an experience, and while I probably could have stayed another year or two, I don't think it's the city for me.
And I've changed so much, it honestly feels really refreshing to go back to Kansas City. Like it's really is the beginning of this new chapter in my life. New characters, old characters, new settings and twists and turns! This is what stories are made of!
In the meantime, we're busy with the holidays as are many of you, undoubtedly. Samuel's aunts and cousins are coming into town tomorrow and Friday to visit and we have a lot of fun times planned, which I hope to share here. Next week my family will be in town to drive to Fort Benning and watch my little brother graduate from the Army. Then the weekend following that, our tiny family is flying back to Kansas City for a quick, three-day Christmas trip! So we have a lot planned in such a short time. And I am so excited! Having a little one to share everything with just makes it all the more wonderful.
I hope you'll read about it. I promise not to leave for a year again! More soon.
XO Kaleigh
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| Thanksgiving 2016 in Florida. |
Sunday, October 18, 2015
Sunday Updates
I can't believe I've been living with R for five weeks now. We were talking about it the other night and he said it seems like I've been here for much longer. I agree with that when it comes to my comfort level and being used to everything. The first couple weeks were a little unsure as we dealt with the obvious repercussions of living with someone before your relationship is quite ready. Not that we aren't good or happy living together. But there is a certain level of intimacy that comes with cohabiting that generally exists in increments beforehand. After a month however, I do feel like that level has naturally been reached just by virtue of the situation itself.
Here are some other life updates:
Here are some other life updates:
- I began a new job as a barista nearby. The hours are early and somewhat long compared to what I am used to, but for the most part I am glad to be working so close to home. I am still working my other job in the city but since R is moving from night shifts to days, I will only be able to work there on Saturdays. My hope is to get a car and begin working there more when I can.
- It's been difficult dealing with Milo's death. I spent a good week after being haunted by the vision of his body when I tried to sleep at night. I'd have to turn on a podcast to distract me in order to fall asleep. Penny seems to be doing really well. I think she's happy to not be bullied anymore. But we still really miss him.
- The days are filled with work, Royals games, painting, and projects. I've been following the Royals games this season and I've gotten pretty into it and attached to the players (Hosmer!). I've been working on my painting and practicing with that. I should start looking up different techniques, and I'd like to try oil painting sometime soon as well.
- I've been trying to learn how to continue positive thinking, I am teaching myself how to accept and be part of right now instead of spending all my time thinking about what I wish would happen. I spend so much time thinking and worrying about the future, I think I have the tendency to miss out on right now. I am trying to change that and not worry so much.
- And lastly, R is on a week-long vacation from work this week so naturally, he's planned a little trip for us. I honestly don't know a whole lot about it other than that we're going to Eureka Springs, Arkansas, Silver Dollar City, and Cape Girardeau. Although I couldn't tell you what's in the latter, R informs me the five to six hour drive will be worth it and I'm going to love the reason we're going.
I don't think I really even know when we're leaving...today? Or tomorrow? I don't know. We'll see what happens.
If you haven't gathered, R likes to surprise me a lot. Whether it's mysterious trips, or fine papers from work (he works in a warehouse that ships paper), or donuts in the morning. R is so good to me and I love everything he does. <3
So there you have it for now. I am excited for this trip and I'll definitely share what I can here. I hope all is well with you and you're enjoying the season! I am definitely looking forward to the drive through the Ozarks and seeing all the beautiful colors and fall leaves. More soon and best wishes!
Wednesday, October 7, 2015
Milo.
He was only two years old, but he lived the fullest life a bunny could have. I know a lot of people don't know much about rabbits, but they're just like cats and dogs. We bought him from a breeder whose main buyers were those interested in rabbit meat. And for a rabbit who could have been meat, Milo was pretty damn lively.
Milo had the biggest personality of any animal I've met. I will miss his grandpa face, the way he'd ignore me when I called him, and when he didn't. I will miss how he would hop over immediately if he heard the fridge open, the way he'd try (and succeed) to jump in the trash can and eat leftover vegetables.
Milo gave no fucks. He did what he wanted and was never afraid of other animals or people. He'd lay where he pleased and try to steal your food if it happened to be something he liked. I remember one time this summer when he climbed on the windowsills and ate all the herbs and plants I was growing. His breath smelled like mint and rosemary for two days.
Milo gave no fucks. He did what he wanted and was never afraid of other animals or people. He'd lay where he pleased and try to steal your food if it happened to be something he liked. I remember one time this summer when he climbed on the windowsills and ate all the herbs and plants I was growing. His breath smelled like mint and rosemary for two days.
I have so many wonderful memories of my little bunny boy, I couldn't possibly write them all.
Milo was my baby and my heart is broken by his passing. He was funny, loving, friendly and sweet.
I will miss him so much. Rest in peace, Milo. I love you!
Thursday, September 17, 2015
Dark Purple Nails & All the Dreams & Plans
This week has been successful so far and with just two days left, I think I feel good about it overall. R and I moved some of my stuff to his house over the weekend, but there's still quite a bit left at the apartment. My goal for the weekend is to get as much as I can done over there and hopefully by the end of next week, I can be finished with it.
My overall attitude has been a positive one. I am happy to see R everyday, even if it's just for an hour or two before he heads to work. Although, this will be changing very soon since he received a promotion of sorts at work and gets to have normal day hours instead of working at night. Because of this, however, I am struggling to figure out the transportation question for work. My job is now thirty minutes away and without a car, I will have no way to get there. I've applied for some office/secretary positions at R's work, which I feel would be the ultimate break that I've been looking for. It would be 40+ hours a week, pay really well, and I'd pretty much have my own car in about a month. So we'll see what happens, if anything. It's entirely possible (and likely) that I'll just end up working two retail jobs out here until I can get back on my feet.
There's a lot that's been floating around in my head lately. The drives to work are long enough for me to think about things. I've determined that I need to put my dreaming on hold for now since it isn't conducive to my place in life at the moment. I had thought very seriously about putting all my money into moving to Chicago. It's been my dream to live there since I visited for the first time a few years ago. But it's just not a practical option. So I've shifted my focus and I am now completely dedicated to becoming the most independent person I can be. I am already pretty much there as far as my confidence and my ability to take care of myself and be on my own. The tough part now is working towards being financially independent. I want to have a good enough job to buy my own car, pay for my own place, and live comfortably without worrying or having to rely on family and friends. I've never been able to do that and I feel like as an almost 23-year-old, now is about the time. After I have reached that goal, I will be able to focus more on what I like and what I want to do.
Until then, I am trying to remember what an exciting and transitional time this is for me. My mom always tries to remind me that I don't have children or major responsibilities like that, so this should be an exciting time of possibilities. She's right and I try to keep that in mind. I am still only 22. It's almost 9 PM and I can stay up however late I want, color in my brand new Fantastic Cities coloring book, journal, drink Arizona strawberry lemonade, and paint my nails dark purple, which are all the things I am going to do.
My overall attitude has been a positive one. I am happy to see R everyday, even if it's just for an hour or two before he heads to work. Although, this will be changing very soon since he received a promotion of sorts at work and gets to have normal day hours instead of working at night. Because of this, however, I am struggling to figure out the transportation question for work. My job is now thirty minutes away and without a car, I will have no way to get there. I've applied for some office/secretary positions at R's work, which I feel would be the ultimate break that I've been looking for. It would be 40+ hours a week, pay really well, and I'd pretty much have my own car in about a month. So we'll see what happens, if anything. It's entirely possible (and likely) that I'll just end up working two retail jobs out here until I can get back on my feet.
There's a lot that's been floating around in my head lately. The drives to work are long enough for me to think about things. I've determined that I need to put my dreaming on hold for now since it isn't conducive to my place in life at the moment. I had thought very seriously about putting all my money into moving to Chicago. It's been my dream to live there since I visited for the first time a few years ago. But it's just not a practical option. So I've shifted my focus and I am now completely dedicated to becoming the most independent person I can be. I am already pretty much there as far as my confidence and my ability to take care of myself and be on my own. The tough part now is working towards being financially independent. I want to have a good enough job to buy my own car, pay for my own place, and live comfortably without worrying or having to rely on family and friends. I've never been able to do that and I feel like as an almost 23-year-old, now is about the time. After I have reached that goal, I will be able to focus more on what I like and what I want to do.
Until then, I am trying to remember what an exciting and transitional time this is for me. My mom always tries to remind me that I don't have children or major responsibilities like that, so this should be an exciting time of possibilities. She's right and I try to keep that in mind. I am still only 22. It's almost 9 PM and I can stay up however late I want, color in my brand new Fantastic Cities coloring book, journal, drink Arizona strawberry lemonade, and paint my nails dark purple, which are all the things I am going to do.
Sunday, September 13, 2015
Packing and Bruno Mars Songs
Tonight is my last night in the apartment. I'm sitting in my empty room, singing along to stupid pop songs (All you young, wild girls you make a mess of me. Yeah, you young, wild girls you'll be the death of me, the death me!), thinking of all that needs to be done, and what this week and the weeks following will bring.
I can feel myself changing. I can see it in how I carry myself these days, and I feel myself refreshing, but building stronger and stronger. For the first time in my life, I feel confident enough to see myself as a woman rather than a child. And I know that all of this is just the beginning for me.
My new environment will certainly test me in more ways than one. It's not ideal, but it's the challenge that has been placed in front of me, and I am more than willing to accept it: I look forward to it.
Tomorrow is the first day of the next chapter in my life. I'm ready and I'm excited.
I can feel myself changing. I can see it in how I carry myself these days, and I feel myself refreshing, but building stronger and stronger. For the first time in my life, I feel confident enough to see myself as a woman rather than a child. And I know that all of this is just the beginning for me.
My new environment will certainly test me in more ways than one. It's not ideal, but it's the challenge that has been placed in front of me, and I am more than willing to accept it: I look forward to it.
Tomorrow is the first day of the next chapter in my life. I'm ready and I'm excited.
Thursday, September 3, 2015
50 Things to Do For Fall
September is finally here and although it may or may not be 90-something degrees out right now, fall is just around the corner, and omg I'm excited! I wanted to share a list I made of some things I'd like to do this season, along with some other activities you might enjoy. Take some from my list and make one for yourself! What's on your fall to-do list?
- Drink apple cider
- Watch a football game
- Attend a baseball game
- Go camping
- Visit a theme park
- Go to the fair or a festival
- Play a board game
- Go to the Renaissance Faire (KC's is starting soon!)
- Visit a museum
- Go hiking
- Pick out pumpkins at the pumpkin patch
- Carve said pumpkins
- Bake a pie or cobbler from scratch
- Go fruit-picking
- Make fall decorations
- Go antique shopping
- Bake bread from scratch
- Buy a dark fall nail polish
- Decorate your front door or stoop
- Have a bonfire
- Drink hot tea
- Have a fall picnic
- Jump in a pile of leaves
- Go for a fall country drive
- Learn a new recipe and perfect it for Thanksgiving
- Shop for new fall clothes (My obsession this year...and let's be honest, every year...is scarves!)
- Make s'mores over a fire
- Learn to crochet a scarf
- Start on some Christmas shopping or handmade gifts
- Go on a walk at night
- Stock up on holiday craft supplies
- Go to the bookstore and buy a new book
- Sit outside and read said book
- Go to the park
- Make a stew
- Explore a new town
- Go to the farmer's market
- Make a fall playlist
- Watch a Halloween movie (Don't like scary movies? Me neither. I'm sticking to Halloweentown and Halloweentown II. Like a boss.)
- Write in a journal. If you don't have one, start one!
- Find a press leaves
- Buy some bath bombs from Lush
- Go on a fall road trip
- Practice calligraphy, watercolors, or a new skill
- Buy some fall candles
- Write what you're thankful for
- Make a Halloween costume (if not for yourself, then maybe for a young friend!)
- Have a movie marathon
- Drink coffee with a flavored creamer
- Buy a Thanksgiving outfit
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