These days, weeks, months, have been filled with so much uncertainty. So many ups and downs, and there have been times when I am sure I've finally figured everything out, that I'm finally beginning to get settled, then everything just falls apart again.
My days are spent trying to feel normal. I get up, make breakfast for myself and eat it alone at the table. I take a shower, get dressed, and go to work if I am working that day. If I'm working, I will shamelessly buy a salted caramel iced coffee drink and a chocolate zucchini bread on my break. I'll sit outside the coffee shop and listen to music for my fifteen minutes, just to have something to look forward to that day.
Then I come home, make dinner, talk to my rabbits, and do everything again in the morning. This has been the first time in my life I have ever had to forcibly convince myself of the things there are to be happy about. I've had days when something just sets me into a melancholy spiral, and I have to dig myself out or turn to a friend who can remind me of what I forget. That no, my life isn't over. All of this is temporary. Yes, everything is really terrible and sucks right now, but it won't be that way forever. And hey, don't worry so much, you're working on making things better. It's hard to remember that when it feels like there's just not enough money or energy for even the most basic things.
But I have a plan, I have a goal in mind. I don't want to talk about it yet because it's pretty big and I am still working things out, but I am happy about it.
I have some projects and to-dos to keep me busy. I have someone important in my life that has done so much and opened my eyes to so many things. I am learning tough lessons about life and myself, but all of it is necessary. I feel myself changing and growing in ways that I only imagined just a year ago. I feel myself growing stern and strong, confident and secure in myself, and it feels really good.
I want to tell anyone who reads this, who might be in a similar situation that I was or am in:
If you're in a place where you feel completely stuck or trapped, know that there is always, always a way out. It won't be the easy way, and yes, it will feel like a complete hell most days, but every day is better and better. And one day, you'll see how worth it the hard decision was. Our most defining moments in life are the most difficult. So do what you have to do for you.
This weekend will be spent reading some new books I got from the library (I intend to share at some point, so no worries!) and listing some handmade items onto my Etsy shop. If you're interested, check it out on Saturday! Here's the link: https://www.etsy.com/shop/shoplemonholiday
Otherwise, I'll be drinking hot drinks, cleaning the apartment, and working on new projects.
I hope everyone's week is going well and I promise to check in again very soon. Best wishes!
