Wednesday Evening Update

These days, weeks, months, have been filled with so much uncertainty. So many ups and downs, and there have been times when I am sure I've finally figured everything out, that I'm finally beginning to get settled, then everything just falls apart again.

My days are spent trying to feel normal. I get up, make breakfast for myself and eat it alone at the table. I take a shower, get dressed, and go to work if I am working that day. If I'm working, I will shamelessly buy a salted caramel iced coffee drink and a chocolate zucchini bread on my break. I'll sit outside the coffee shop and listen to music for my fifteen minutes, just to have something to look forward to that day.
Then I come home, make dinner, talk to my rabbits, and do everything again in the morning. This has been the first time in my life I have ever had to forcibly convince myself of the things there are to be happy about. I've had days when something just sets me into a melancholy spiral, and I have to dig myself out or turn to a friend who can remind me of what I forget. That no, my life isn't over. All of this is temporary. Yes, everything is really terrible and sucks right now, but it won't be that way forever. And hey, don't worry so much, you're working on making things better. It's hard to remember that when it feels like there's just not enough money or energy for even the most basic things.
But I have a plan, I have a goal in mind. I don't want to talk about it yet because it's pretty big and I am still working things out, but I am happy about it.

I have some projects and to-dos to keep me busy. I have someone important in my life that has done so much and opened my eyes to so many things. I am learning tough lessons about life and myself, but all of it is necessary. I feel myself changing and growing in ways that I only imagined just a year ago. I feel myself growing stern and strong, confident and secure in myself, and it feels really good.
I want to tell anyone who reads this, who might be in a similar situation that I was or am in:
If you're in a place where you feel completely stuck or trapped, know that there is always, always a way out. It won't be the easy way, and yes, it will feel like a complete hell most days, but every day is better and better. And one day, you'll see how worth it the hard decision was. Our most defining moments in life are the most difficult. So do what you have to do for you.

This weekend will be spent reading some new books I got from the library (I intend to share at some point, so no worries!) and listing some handmade items onto my Etsy shop. If you're interested, check it out on Saturday! Here's the link: https://www.etsy.com/shop/shoplemonholiday
Otherwise, I'll be drinking hot drinks, cleaning the apartment, and working on new projects.
I hope everyone's week is going well and I promise to check in again very soon. Best wishes!

The Word is 'Progress'

Hello, everyone and I apologize for such a delay. I've been reading all of the 2014 recap posts and I debated on whether or not to write one. In the end, I decided not to. Save the fact that I got married to my best friend which was the best day of my life, I didn't have a very good year. To be honest, 2014 was filled with a lot of uncertainty, sadness, and struggle. We had a lot of special people pass away and the aftermath of those tragedies seemed to expand and permeate throughout our year and into our outlook of our future.

The holidays were very weird because of this, and the whole season just felt very out of place and odd. The snow was non-existent, The cold hadn't quite hit yet. It was our first (and hopefully last) year of four Christmases which was very stressful.
So, Sean and I entered 2015 quietly. Plans have fallen through, but it seems like this careful entry has allowed us to take our time and allow everything to come back into focus. We've spent these first days with friends, sleeping late, and filling our days with movies and quiet activities. This is why I've waited to post until now.

Because 2014 was such a bummer, I've created a lot of resolutions but most importantly, my word of the year is: progress. This just means that in 2015, I'd like to be working actively towards my ideal self and being better. There are a lot of changes that Sean and I will be making this year. They're not bad, they're just changes. I think having "progress" in the back of my mind is going to be a great help in dealing with these changes. Additionally, keeping in mind that I should only ever be in competition with myself rather than others.

I'm sorry to be such a bearer of negativity, but one thing that really cheered me up this season was reading all about everyone else's holidays. I imagined what everyone was doing at moments and felt relief and happiness in the thought that some of you might have been having the best holiday season of your life. So thank you for sharing your wonderful memories! I hope you had an amazing holiday and that your new year has begun similarly.

What is your word for 2015? What are you working towards?