Our Wedding Part Two: The Ceremony

Hi, guys! Here are some more photos about our wedding! This installment focuses on our ceremony.

Sean and I said goodbye to each other on Thursday morning as we each went to stay with our own families for the days leading up to the wedding. We would talk here and there but we didn't see each other again until I was literally walking down the aisle.

As I mentioned, the wedding was very DIY so my family and I spent our days getting things done. By Saturday, we still had a lot to do and because the ceremony didn't actually start until 4 in the afternoon, all day it felt like the wedding wasn't even going to happen! I kept saying to everyone that it felt like "the wedding is tomorrow." But it wasn't so by the time 2 o'clock rolled around and I started getting ready, it just seemed like I couldn't get my mind to understand what was happening.

I was very nervous. Not at all about the whole marrying Sean part. I was really nervous about how everything was going to go, so I was drinking a lot of water and trying to remember to breathe and not throw up. It didn't help that it literally felt like one moment they were saying I had two hours and the next moment I had ten minutes.The whole thing went by very quickly. 

I kept asking, "Is Sean out there?" so that I could safely talk to people. But that door was opened and closed so often from people coming in and out that it probably would've made more sense to just keep it open the whole time!

This is my beautiful younger/prettier sister/maid-of-honor. I was pretty composed until they told me I had five minutes and then this girl came and started crying and then of course I started crying. 

It was a hot mess. 

This my younger/28-year-old-looking brother (he's actually 17...I know, right?). He walked me down the aisle and I am so happy and grateful that he did. I'm pretty lucky to have had both my siblings be with me during my ceremony!

Here is Sean's first look! As you can see, he was very nervous, but very happy. I remember the moment he saw me I kind of suddenly came to this realization that, "Oh my god...this is actually happening right now...How did this happen?! When did I get here?!" It wasn't scary, it was just startling and happy, if that makes sense? 

I imagine that that is how it felt to be Lucy on 50 First Dates when she wakes up at the end and finds out that she's on a boat in Alaska with her husband and daughter and her whole family is there. The whole experience was just surreal.

Oh, that guy with the book...that's my dad! And he married us! Once again, I am so thankful to have had my family be part of the ceremony!

This is what happened as soon as I got up there. We hadn't seen each other since Thursday morning and not only that but I think we both kind of had the same thought that we couldn't believe what was happening. I don't think much could have prepared me to go through how startling and emotional the whole ceremony was. 

We wrote our own vows and even though I had read them before he wrote them, I still enjoyed hearing them again. Sean is such a beautiful writer. His were very poetic whereas mine were very straight-forward and specific.

"You may kiss your bride!" 

Check back tomorrow for some more details on our wedding! 

Our Wedding Part One: Decorations and Food

Hi! As you have maybe guessed, I haven't written in a while because I've been so busy with the wedding. There were many times when I thought to write something after my last post on marriage but I didn't because I hadn't time or I couldn't think of anything. So here I am!
I wanted to share our wedding with everyone! I couldn't tell you much past what happened and how I felt because we are in a very transitional time right now. I do plan to write a little more in the future about how it feels to be married now but at the moment, I couldn't really tell you! Everything is so new and I'd like to take some time to gain perspective before I express thoughts.

Anywho, the wedding was really perfect. I mean, I don't think we could have asked for anything better. Sean and I spent the days leading up the wedding with our own families. We said goodbye on Thursday morning and although we texted and talked on the phone a couple times, we never saw each other again until I was walking down the aisle!
The wedding was very DIY. The theme was rustic/fall/vintage and pretty much everything was either handmade or borrowed. My grandma made all the food herself and everyone in my family took turns to put things together. My brother, sister, and I put up all the decorations, the lights, tables and chairs, centerpieces, everything. I was so happy to do it because it made it feel extra special and it was fun to see the space change as the weekend progressed.

Anyway, see for yourself! Here some photos of our big day!

The wedding took place at my grandparents' home on Truman Lake. They have a big yard on the side of the house that we took advantage of. The house sits on a hill that overlooks the lake in the back. It's very pretty and was a great view to have through the trees.

Everyone sat at tables instead of rows of chairs, which I am really happy we decided to do as it worked out perfectly. We created an aisle with vine branches my grandpa found and pumpkins.

A lot of the altar decorations were borrowed, although my grandpas made the altar itself out of trees from the forest behind the house. The lace drapes actually were curtains that my mom found on sale at Target, which ended up being much cheaper than buying fabric from JoAnns. It turns out that they were much easier to put as well since they were already sewn and ready to go.

Here are the centerpieces. Looking at them now, I think we could have done something else but I really don't think it matters. The tables looked great and most of the night was spent in the dark so would've been silly to make them more elaborate anyway.
My grandpa cut the wood slabs to make centerpieces and coasters for the table. We even bought a wood-burner and carved our initials and the date into some of them!

I made our guest book myself. I wanted something that could double as a photo album and a guest book so I had our engagement photos printed and put them in for people to look at and sign around.

My grandma made all of this food by herself. We had pork stew as our main dish and because Sean is a vegetarian, she made him Black Bean and Squash Stew. Needless to say, that stew went real quick. I was happy that Sean was able to get at least one bowl since it went so fast!

Our friend's plate. He was very excited about the caramel apple bar, as you can see.

(!!!) If you're in need of a large amount of mason jar glasses for your wedding, definitely check here. It was about $65 for 75 glasses and they worked perfectly. What we did so people didn't lose their glass is we just took pieces of kraft paper and tied them with twine to the glass. We left out a marker for people to write their names and voila!

Lastly, I was so happy with how the lights turned out. The atmosphere they created, along with candles and the music, just made the night feel like a dream. There were so many moments throughout the night that I just found myself so happy with where I was and what I was seeing and hearing and who I was with and talking to.

The night was so beautiful and I am so grateful for everyone who helped make it possible. I remember thinking in the days and moments leading up to the wedding, "I can't imagine how this is going to turn out to be the best day of my life." I stressed about it and hoped it would be everything I envisioned and hoped. But it turned out to be that and so much more. The entire experience was beautiful, fun, relaxing, and all-around wonderful. I can honestly say it was the best day of my life.

I have a lot of pictures so I wanted to break these wedding posts up into parts.
Check back tomorrow for more!

Sean & I/Thoughts On Marriage

April 2012

I really struggled with whether or not I should write about this. I'm all for being raw and honest about things, but this hits so close to home that I didn't know if I really wanted to share. In the end, I decided to go ahead and write it.

Relationships are scary and messy because people and their lives are scary and messy. And marriage isn't something that should just be done. It takes a lot more than love to sustain a marriage or a long-lasting relationship.I think there is a certain expectation about relationships that people have at my age and even older, that marriage and commitment is like this fairy-tale. There is a lot of talk with girls my age and younger about finding that "Prince Charming" or "Knight in Shining Armor" which I think is really unhealthy and unrealistic. The truth is that about 99% of the time, those people don't exist, which is why I think a lot of marriages end in divorce these days. I also think a lot divorces are a result of people not being realistic about their own expectations in their marriage. And therefore, when it doesn't go the way they wanted, they are willing to quit more easily.

This post is just an example of that and I just hope that this is something people can relate to or get something out of, even if that's just a better understanding of who Sean and I are.

2012, maybe? This is an old one!

We were freshmen in college when we first met. It was the first day of classes and my astronomy professor kept us five minutes over time, so I was late to my speech class. Being a freshman, I was nervous about what sort of repercussions being late on the first day would bring me, so I practically ran to class and found the very first seat I could find at the front of the room. I sat there, out of breath, trying to get into whatever it was that my teacher was talking about. After a few minutes, I began to register my surroundings when I noticed the boy sitting next to me. John Lennon glasses; big, blue eyes; shaggy, brown hair; and high cheekbones. I thought to myself how much cuter he would be if he just shaved his chin-strap beard and learned how to dress himself. (I was kind of a bitch that semester.) But I still wanted to know him. A week or so later, I would ask him to be my partner for a project and he would enthusiastically say, "Yes!"

We bonded over philosophy, movies, music, and all the things that 'intellectuals' talk about. I thought he was weird, but we were friendly. Little did I know that his weirdness was accentuated by the fact that he was falling in love with me. By the time I got the memo, it was late October and I decided to finally give Sean a chance. We'd taken to going out late at night and walking around the campus and our small college town until morning. Later and later until you'd think we wouldn't have much more to talk about and yet, somehow, we managed to fall deeper into conversation every time. I told Sean I liked him in the first few days of November. We had our first kiss in the middle of a field at 2 in the morning. It was weird and I was self-conscious but it was the first of many great ones. The early hours of November 6th, 2011 was when our relationship (officially) began.  I remember in the very beginning, realizing that this was going to be a very important thing in my life. It would be one, if not the one, to change things. And it did.
After the first month, Sean and I had settled so comfortably into ourselves and what we were to one another. It honestly felt like he had always been there. But as happy as we may be, life still happens and sometimes it's not quite what we wanted.

Our first picture together. December 2011

We will have been together for three years and engaged for one next month. When I think about Sean and our future, it's difficult sometimes to think beyond the present. When things aren't right and stresses are ever-looming, it is very easy to forget ourselves and where we're going. That's where we've been for the past year and a half.

Marriage is something that we've had in mind for a very long time. Sean is one-hundred percent, no doubt, the person I want to 'do life' with. I want to grow with him, I want to have babies with him and raise them together, I want to live life with him and be there to support him when he fails and cheer him on when he exceeds all expectations, as he often does.
But when we get locked up in this day-to-day life of school, work, bills, adult things, over and over and over and over again, it becomes more and more difficult to remember why we're together in the first place.

At Love Park in Philadelphia, May 2013

When I get home from class and he gets home from work, or vice versa, and I'm stressed about homework or a paper I have to write, and he's annoyed about something that happened at work, and we each go to our places of release (writing, running, video games, movies, pretty much anything to get our minds off of whatever stresses we are experiencing), it's easy to take the other person for granted and just assume that they're fine doing what they're doing. This has been our life for the past year.

Then a couple months ago, something really bad happened in our family and truthfully, Sean hasn't been the same since. This has been a huge test for us, something that I have struggled with and tried to handle in the best way. Because in the most real way, for the very first time, his heart is broken.
So how do you deal with that? How do you make the decision of your life while your whole world is seemingly imploding in on itself?

Sometimes my anxieties turn into doubts and there are many days when I forget that this won't last forever and that at some point, we will finally be able to breathe. On those days, I feel the most anxiety and sadness. Remembering that it will all pass is hard. It's hard to continue on, despite knowing that things will be okay someday soon. But isn't this what marriage is about? I never expected that we'd be faced with these things during a time when we should be happy and celebrating our love for one another. But it's hard to do that when you feel like you're having to scrape away all of life's crap in order to find the beautiful things worth celebrating.

Christmas 2013. We had dinner at Fritz's with Dad and family. We got to wear those great hats!

Still, I am proud and I am thankful. It may not be ideal but now we know that we can face anything.
Marriage is scary. When you vow to be with someone for the rest of your lives, you're going to see and experience some things. Some days they will make you laugh, other days they'll make you want to scream, or cry, or lock yourself in a room and never come out again. And other days, they will make you look at your partner and think, How was I ever so lucky to find you next to me on that first day of speech class, freshman year of college?

Silly boy! Here we are in front of the Gateway Arch in Saint Louis, Missouri. Thanksgiving 2012

There is a certain idea that we have in our culture about what exactly love looks like. When I was a kid, I always thought love was all the things they say it is, "When you know, you know!", "It was love at first sight!", and all those beliefs in passion and ultimate intimacy and all that. The truth is, that kind of love happens, just not very often. But that doesn't mean it is the best or only kind of love.
My whole life, I was convinced that when I met 'the one', I would know immediately that he was the one. This clearly didn't turn out to be true. It took time for me to fall in love with Sean. And there is nothing wrong with that.
A lot of people might think, "Okay, so that's when you guys started your fiery, passionate relationship, right?"
No. When Sean and I first began our relationship, something changed. It was like my entire life up until that point had been off-center. Like, something was missing that made me feel shifty and never comfortable. But when we fell in love, it was like everything finally was where it was supposed to be. A big part of me was at peace.
And I know how non-feminist that sounds. But really, it has nothing to do with needing Sean to make me feel like a woman or give me meaning. Being with Sean isn't fireworks. It's not passion or watch-The-Notebook-over-and-over-because-that's-us. It's not the ultimate romance or whatever it is Lana Del Rey thinks she has in her songs.

Being with Sean is...home. It's family. It's the feeling of having your best friend by your side every day of your life. That's really the best way I can describe it. Being with Sean is home.

Christmas 2013, Kansas City Union Station

In three weeks, he and I will be married. And short of the moments we see our children's faces for the first time, it will be the best day of my life. Sean is my best friend, the brightness in my days, my love, my fellow explorer, my support system, and many other things. Above all, he is my other piece.
Sean is all the things I never knew I was missing.

Engagement photos. April 2014

School, Badseed, and Christopher Elbow

Today is Saturday and I have forgotten what the weekends mean when you are in school. (I've spent my day sleeping in and reading blogs. Although, I did vacuum the floor!) As I said in my last post, things are going well and I am enjoying my schedule and classes. Everything seems to be coming into place for now, which is more than I can say about the past year and a half. However, something I am realizing, one of those "life lessons" as my mom and my grandma call them, is that just because things are going right, does not mean they go right in the ways we had wanted or expected.

Yesterday, I went to the advising office to get a technicality fixed on my transcript. Afterwards, I asked the woman if I was still okay to graduate next December. Surprised that I had even thought that as a possibility, she said, "No...let me put it this way. You have to have 120 credit hours to graduate. At the end of this school year, you will have 63." This was a little heartbreaking for me and I wished that they would have pointed this out to me the past six times I met with them this year. I had expected that Sean and I were going to leave the country and teach abroad right after I finished school. It felt like all of our plans were shredded to pieces and the thought of staying in school much longer made me sad. I kept my cool and luckily the woman was very sweet and understanding. She helped me stay positive and we worked out some possibilities for the next years.

Immediately after the meeting, I called Sean. I laughed in a frustrated way and told him that we were going to have to stay in Kansas City for two more years. But he was very sweet. He told me that it is okay and reminded me that we like Kansas City a lot. He said he figured it might take me a little longer to finish and that's completely fine, no problem. Because he and I know that we do love Kansas City. So this is what we are working through right now. We are throwing around a lot of plans and ideas at the moment, and I will share them within the next few months when we are able to figure them out more completely.

Sean worked early yesterday morning and ran errands while I went to classes. We had so much time together later in the day and since this is the first Friday in a lifetime that we've both been free, we decided to go to our favorite farmer's market in the Crossroads.
It's called, Badseed and they have the best selection of vegetables, fruits, organic baked goods and pastries, meats, cosmetics and soaps! We were really in luck yesterday since there was a lot of variety and great things to choose from. Eventually, we ended up getting some peppers, potatoes, eggs, spinach bread (nope, I didn't leave out a comma...it's spinach bread! Yum!), a chocolate chip cookie, and the most delicious pears! I highly recommend this place if you live in the Kansas City area! (They also accept food stamps if you have them!)

Afterwards, we walked a little farther down to a chocolate shop called, Christopher Elbow. We've had his chocolates before, but we'd never been to the actual shop which was exciting. The door is large and glass, and the interior is so light and clean-looking. The way the sun came through the front of the store and onto the chocolates was breath-taking. So, just some idea about CE's chocolates; they're super famous in Kansas City. Everyone knows about them and it's like, you haven't experienced KC if you haven't tried CE. Also, they are ridiculously beautiful and very expensive. $2.00 for a piece. That being said, the flavors are amazing and they are definitely worth the price. They really aren't kinds of chocolates you want to wolf down in a couple seconds. The flavors are everything. And hey! Want to try some but you don't live in Kansas City? It's cool, you can order some online.

Here are some photos of Badseed and Christpher Elbow's Chocolates!

Badseed is an indoor thing for the most part. Farmers from around KC come in with their best stuff every Friday from 4-9 and sell their goods. It's really awesome because some people will sell vegetables they grew themselves while others have breads and pastries they made from scratch! We really love Badseed!

Love these colors! August through October is the best time for harvesting!

Sean picks out some veggies!

I decided to get an organic chocolate chip cookie and Sean got the spinach/cheese bread.

Eggplants!

"Best damn veggies in the world!"

Our beautiful pears! They're really yummy too!

Christopher Elbow's Chocolates shop! 

I'd pay $85 for a 48-piece box of Christopher Elbow chocolates. 

These are the ones we got! I can't remember the flavors of them all but the red-ish one is Strawberry Balsamic, the coconut looking one is Coconut and some other stuff, the bottom right is Dark, Dark Chocolate, one of them is Coffee, another is called Persia, and I can't remember the last one.

Happy End of Summer!!